Why Survivors Remain in Abusive Relationships

One of the most frustrating and disheartening aspects of the Ray Rice domestic violence situation is the media and individuals on social media asking Janay Rice, "Why don't you just leave?" Unfortunately, this type of questioning and blaming domestic violence survivors happens all the time.

Below are some reasons why survivors remain in abusive relationships. Usually there is not one specific reason, but a combination. Reasons often include:

·        Fear that leaving will precipitate even more violent incidents of abuse directed toward themselves or their children;

·        Emotional dependency on the relationship, accompanied by feelings of low self-esteem and self-blame;

·        Lack of financial resources and employment income necessary to establish and maintain an independent household;

·        Concern about the effects of separation or divorce on the children (i.e., a “broken” home will jeopardize the children’s future);

·        Concern about the loss of economic security and benefits, such as retirement income and health insurance;

·        Feelings of love toward the abusive partner, coupled with the hopes that the relationship will improve and the violence will cease;

·        Denial of the potential for severe abuse, rationalizations and excuses for the abuser’s behavior, as well as the inability to assess accurately the risk of the situation.

(Adapted from C.K. Ragan).

Statement from CEO Judy Kahan on the Ray Rice Domestic Violence Situation

It’s been impossible to avoid the Ray Rice domestic violence story.  My deepest sympathy goes out to Janay Rice and all people affected by domestic abuse.

One out of four women will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime, making it an issue we desperately need to talk about and work to end. I am grateful for the awareness such a story brings to the issue of domestic violence.

It is the Center Against Domestic Violence’s mission to end domestic violence in our communities. In the midst  of the spotlight the Ray Rice case shines on domestic violence, I want to highlight and remind you of one of the Center’s core beliefs: abuse is a learned behavior and, with education, all people can lead lives filled with healthy, meaningful relationships. This is why we field so many prevention and education programs.

Our Relationship Abuse Prevention Program (RAPP) reaches 27,000 intermediate and high school students on 15 NYC public school campuses. Through workshops, individual and group counseling, and peer leadership training, RAPP works to stop teen dating violence now and prevent domestic violence in the future. The Center pilots Relationships Are Elementary, a healthy relationship education program for elementary school children. Focusing our efforts on younger children creates a better opportunity to break the cycle of violence. The earlier we reach students, from both violent and non violent homes, the better chance we have for laying the ground work for healthy relationships.

Let us concentrate on what we can do to prevent and stop domestic violence in the future. Everyone deserves a safe, violence-free life.