October Breakfast Artist & Panelist: Ewa Grochowska

We're very grateful to have Ewa Grochowska participating in our October breakfast! Ewa will be featured on our panel and her pottery will also be on display.

A potter, sculptor, and domestic violence awareness activist, Ewa is committed to helping others achieve a life free from abuse. Her organization, Freedom4Ewa, donates time and supplies to children living in domestic violence shelters. Proceeds from her pottery support these endeavors.

Ewa says,

"Creating art allows children to express their emotions in a positive way. It gives them control of something in their life, and it gives them something to be proud of." 

Come learn about Ewa's work and see her beauitful pieces at Transforming Lives Through the Arts!

Click here to learn more about Ewa. 

Healing Domestic Violence Through the Arts

In July, Women’s Second Start shelter staff performed a domestic violence awareness recital for residents from all three of our shelters. Shelter Director Earla Lloyd, LCSW, uses creative movement performances by staff to help domestic violence survivors understand, discuss, and heal from their experiences.

The recital is one way that Lloyd uses creative movement to help residents heal. Lloyd will discuss this staff performance, as well as weekly group therapy movement sessions, at the Center’s October Breakfast, Transforming Lives Through the Arts. We invite you to join us on Thursday, October 23^rd for breakfast and a panel discussion about domestic violence and the healing power of art.

The video “La Bella y La Bestia” (Beauty and the Beast) and songs like Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding Love” and Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter” were used to tell a story, demonstrating the realities of domestic violence from the beginning of an abusive relationship through the survivor’s empowerment.  This event demonstrated that violence occurs in all cultures, and that children are victims too.   

As the movement pieces showed the emergence of the empowered survivor, the audience’s mood changed.  Teary eyes were dried and the shelter residents began to cheer on the performers; the residents recognized their own transformation from victims to survivors in the dancers’ journey. The recital ended with the audience joining staff on stage in celebration of freedom from abuse.

Click here for more information about the October Breakfast.

Why Survivors Remain in Abusive Relationships

One of the most frustrating and disheartening aspects of the Ray Rice domestic violence situation is the media and individuals on social media asking Janay Rice, "Why don't you just leave?" Unfortunately, this type of questioning and blaming domestic violence survivors happens all the time.

Below are some reasons why survivors remain in abusive relationships. Usually there is not one specific reason, but a combination. Reasons often include:

·        Fear that leaving will precipitate even more violent incidents of abuse directed toward themselves or their children;

·        Emotional dependency on the relationship, accompanied by feelings of low self-esteem and self-blame;

·        Lack of financial resources and employment income necessary to establish and maintain an independent household;

·        Concern about the effects of separation or divorce on the children (i.e., a “broken” home will jeopardize the children’s future);

·        Concern about the loss of economic security and benefits, such as retirement income and health insurance;

·        Feelings of love toward the abusive partner, coupled with the hopes that the relationship will improve and the violence will cease;

·        Denial of the potential for severe abuse, rationalizations and excuses for the abuser’s behavior, as well as the inability to assess accurately the risk of the situation.

(Adapted from C.K. Ragan).

Meet the Panelists of Transforming Lives Through the Arts

On Thursday, October 23rd, the Center will host its annual Domestic Violence Awareness breakfast. We're excited to welcome a diverse group of panelists who will discuss art's healing power for domestic violence survivors. Here's an introduction to our expert and inspiring panelists:

• Marcella Goheen wrote and starred in The Maria Project, an acclaimed, one woman, Off-Broadway play that tells the story of Maria Salazar, Goheen’s grandmother who was murdered by her grandfather. Ms. Goheen has since founded the Brooklyn-based Maria Project, whose mission is to dispel the myth, create awareness, and alleviate the shame around domestic violence and sexual assault. The Maria Project’s “Maria’s Voice Featuring Savion Glover” will begin its North America tour in October 2014.
   
• Ewa Grochowska is a potter/sculptor and domestic violence awareness activist, helping other survivors along their journey to build a life free from abuse. To accomplish this, she donates her time and supplies to provide art programs to children living in domestic violence shelters.
   
• Rachel Hass is a Licensed Social Worker and Play Group Therapist at Bank Street College of Education for the Center for Emotionally Responsive Practice, where she facilitates trauma-based interventions for children, teachers and families in early childhood centers throughout the city. Hass previously facilitated the Art Enrichment Program at the Center Against Domestic Violence.
   
• Earla Lloyd, LCSW, is Director at the Center’s Women’s Second Start shelter. Lloyd developed the shelter’s ExpressIt and Creative Movement program to help her residents heal from domestic violence and other traumas. The program has two components: ExpressIt movement pieces performed for shelter residents by staff and Creative Movement expressive sessions for shelter residents. Lloyd believes that movement is a key communication tool and a catalyst for healing.
   
• Terri Muuss (moderator)  is an actor, director, teacher, motivational speaker, life coach and social worker who specializes in the use of the arts as a healing mechanism for trauma survivors. She teaches a course at Rutgers University to social workers entitled Youth Development Through the Written Arts and her poetry has appeared in numerous journals and anthologies. Her poetic memoir Over Exposed (JB Stillwater, 2013) was nominated for a Pushcart Prize and her one-woman show Anatomy of a Doll  was named the “Best Theatre: Critics’ Pick of the Week” by the New York Daily News and has been performed throughout the US and Canada since 1998. www.terrimuuss.com

Click here for more information and to purchase tickets to the breakfast.


We hope to see you there!

Tickets Now On Sale

A limited number of Early Bird tickets are available through September 23rd.

Click here to purchase tickets, 10 seat tables, or become a sponsor. 

Learn more about our event and panelists.

We hope to see you there!

Save the Date - More Info to Come!

A Search for True Love

We closed Domestic Violence Awareness Month with Women’s Second Start domestic violence shelter celebrating the survivors they have served, and acknowledging staff and volunteers at a conference with former residents as the keynote speakers.  Here are some excerpts from one survivor's poem:

A Search for True Love

What is true love?

. . . Violence? Verbal Abuse? Physical and Mental Abuse? 

Having your self esteem . . . brought to nothing?

And then later on hearing the words, “Am sorry.” “I didn’t mean it.” “It won’t happen again.”

"Baby you know I love you."

Where do we find . . . true love?

. . . Our friends?  Family? Spouse?

And our abuser?

We may think that’s where true love is.

How do we find . . . true love?

. . . By first sitting down and evaluating ourselves.

Then we can stand strong and say, “I’m beautiful and I deserve better for myself.”

Luz's Story has a Happy Ending

In this season of hope and giving, I am cheered by the stories of the people we serve.  People – usually parents and usually women – come to the Center Against Domestic Violence for help at the lowest point of their lives.  They only reach out when domestic violence has threatened their lives or the lives of their children.  They leave the Center with renewed joy, skills and one step closer to a bright future.

The other day I received a gift from one of our longstanding Tuesday Morning Support Group members, a hand wrapped pen that said “Center Against DV”.  Our Spanish speaking Tuesday group has been meeting for over ten years with a regular attendance of 20 or so women.  We have seen support group infants grow up and become school aged and support group school aged children enter high school.  The Center is committed to be there as long as we are needed.

Luz* was referred to our support group by her friend Gloria*.  Since leaving her abusive boyfriend several years ago, Gloria had been coming to group.  Many of the issues participants face have as much to do with immigration as with the abuse they suffered.  The Center helped Gloria with her immigration problems, and now Gloria was helping her friend Luz.

When Luz’s husband sent for her and their two children to come join him in the United States, it seemed like a dream.  It was so difficult in Mexico, even with the remittances Miguel* sent every month.

The family settled in Sunset Park, and from the outside they seemed happy.  What no one in their church or the children’s school knew was that every night Miguel would abuse Luz.  First the abuse was verbal and emotional – he constantly told her she was worthless.  Then when she became pregnant, the abuse became sexual and physical.

Luz put up with Miguel for the sake of the children, but then, one night while the children were getting ready for bed, Luz caught Miguel peeping at their 12 year old daughter Susana* getting undressed.  When she confronted him, he beat her senseless and left the house.  Luz called the police and Miguel was arrested.

The Center Against Domestic Violence Crime Victims Program is helping Luz and the children rebuild their lives.  The children are in counseling and we have helped Luz and the two older children successfully apply for visas.

Now Luz and the children live together safely in Brooklyn.  Luz makes ends meet by creating and selling handcrafts.  She created my Center Against DV pen as her way of saying “thanks”.

I say “thanks”, as well.  Thanks to all of you for supporting the Center Against Domestic Violence as we change and grow to fulfill our mission – ending domestic violence in our communities.  Through prevention, intervention and education, the Center is working to create a world without violence.

Please help us end domestic violence by supporting our work today.

Thank you and happy holidays.

-- Judith Kahan, CEO

* All names changed to protect identities.

The Joy of Safety

We were delighted to receive this thank you letter. Center Against Domestic Violence staff strive each and every day to make sure this story the story everyone leaving our shelters can tell.

From activities like Thanksgiving dinners to quality childcare to holiday celebrations, we make residents feel at home at our shelters while equipping them with the tools they need to get back on their feet and find long-term housing and a new life.  All of our work is made possible by people like you who choose each year to support the Center so that domestic violence survivors like Ms. M. and her family can feel joy again.

Here is Ms. M.’s letter –

“I would like to thank all of you.

“Unfortunately my family has been to a lot of domestic violence shelters since 2005.  We honestly were not happy to return this time.  But the day when we walked through these doors, my children and I cried tears of relief and joy.  We actually were in a place that was immaculate.  We couldn’t believe this was a shelter!  And the kids were overjoyed they had TV to watch.  Until today, when we are only days away from opening a new door to a place called home, we are grateful for Women’s Second Start.

“I realize – wow, this place is heaven-sent, with real angels!  All of you have opened your hearts and cared unconditionally for each of us.  There has never been a time when anyone has closed a door or refused to help us.  This truly has been a great experience for me and my children.

“I was very worried about Christmas since I had hardly any money and I couldn’t buy my kids gifts.  On Christmas Eve, my son Wilfredo told me, ‘Mommy, this has been the best Christmas ever!’  I almost fell to the floor! Could this be my Mr. Materialistic-Thirteen-Year-Old – the boy with so much anger from witnessing too much?  Thank you all so very much for putting joy back in our lives!”  From Ms. M. for Tiffany, David and Wilfredo

The shelter Ms. M., Tiffany, David and Wilfredo walked into, Women’s Second Start, is located in northern Manhattan.  Every year, the individualized services provided by Women’s Second Start give more than a hundred women and three hundred children the tools they need to break the pattern of domestic violence and start life anew – with joy.

To help more people like the M family find safety and joy, click here to support the work of the Center.